By Robin Carpenter

Helen’s Place LLC Update: August 1, 2022

This may sound crazy, but in handling day to day grievances and events, it’s better to accept responsibility for everything than to believe you’re a victim. This is because when you accept responsibility you can do something about it;

When you feel like a victim it’s like being pinned under a rock where you’re stuck and powerless.

Take the story of a bus wreck in Tokyo – where a bus driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit a parking booth on the way out of the airport. No one on the bus was hurt because the bus was almost stopped when it hit the booth, but the bus company paid compensation to all the people on the bus anyway.

An American passenger asked the bus official, “So why are you paying me when I wasn’t hurt at all?” to which the bus official replied, “Even though everyone was at fault to some degree or another for being on the bus, we assumed 99.9% of the responsibility, and this is why we paid you the compensation.”

In a similar way, you can begin to assign a percentage of fault to most conflict situations, and decide a course of constructive action.

In cases where you feel pretty sure you’re 100% the victim, you can still accept a miniscule percentage of fault just for being there, and do something proportionate to help the situation — i.e. forgiveness.

This may seem like a foreign idea to wrap your head around, but is an important concept in cognitive science discussions about how to become an emotionally fit person.

Sometimes you hear people console others by saying, “Don’t blame yourself,” or “it’s not your fault,” when it would be more helpful to say, “I’m sorry this happened to you,” or “I’m sorry you received such a bad hand – what can I do to help you now?”

You might just say a healing prayer and light a candle for yourself and/or the destructive person. In better circumstances, you might send a card or call.

You might volunteer to help others in similar circumstances or send money to a charity, in memory of the person or event that hurt you. You might join a protest march or join a cause.

Sometimes, you may decide not see the person again — but you’re able to do so with more detachment, because you accept what happened.

You know that you’re not the judge, so what happens to the person that hurt you is not up to you; You can only do your best to heal yourself.

When you believe and adopt the mindset that the blame game stops with you, you’ll be able to say, “I’m taking responsibility for everything that happens in my life — the good, the bad and the ugly; I’m alive, and I own my life.” Then you’ll maybe able to stop asking, “why did this happen to me?”

Who knows why there’s so much adversity and pain in the world, or why some people experience more of it than others.

Some might call it fate, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or bad luck, but whatever it is, you can become a more emotionally fit person if you accept what happened and decide a course of action to move forward.

Related audio/video recording:
A short message about what to do when life gives you a bad hand:

YouTube, July 22, 2022, #shorts, “Dealt a bad hand?” This message is for you.

Other related articles you may be interested in:
The Seattle Times, December 28, 2015, “How to Cope When You’ve Been Dealt a Bad Hand:

Helen’s Place LLC, October 27, 2017 “I was looking for a job when I found this one.”

Your comments are greatly appreciated. Send them to Helen’s Place LLC via email to info@helensplacenet.com. We’re always interested in learning more about you and the issues that are important to you.

By Robin Carpenter December 21, 2021

Helen’s Place LLC,   Update:  July 31, 2022

On a daily basis, Americans are bombarded with media warnings about the spread of Covid-19 and the need to get vaccinated and boosted.

They’re also warned constantly that our democracy is in jeopardy because of the misinformation being spread on social media platforms on the internet.

The left wing thinks that all they need to do to fix the misinformation problem, is better messaging to get the facts out to people so they know the truth.

However, the reality is that denial and misinformation is what many American’s crave right now.  The question is why?

How many times have we heard denial phrases in various forms such as:

“I’m tired of Covid-19 – it’s over!  Why should I have to be the only person being careful when no one else is?”  “I’m tired of doing things to make other people feel comfortable.”

“It’s my body and I can do with it what I want to – it’ my choice;  You do you and I’ll do me.”

“Covid-19 is overblown – much of the reported statistics are for the flu; doctors make more money reporting deaths anyway.”

It appears to be human nature to deny what exists when you don’t want to know it. 

Taken to the extreme, people want to live in a land of their own making with their friends.  It’s all about creating a form of escapism to a better place.

Just believe Covid-19 out of existence.  For starters say –  everyone knows that COVID is over or elections are rigged or stolen, etc.  Just make up the narrative as you go along to suit the world you want.  Then set out to believe it and get other people to join you.  It’s easy!

Take the example of the  movie End of Days,  where a crowd stands under an alien spaceship. They are about to get zapped by aliens all the while believing that the aliens are bringing salvation, when the opposite is true.

Today aliens might be thought of as Covid-19 spikes, but the unvaccinated people in their path don’t know and don’t want to know that they could get wiped out.  They are gazing upward imagining a perfect world.

Medical experts warn that people should keep trying to get through to the deniers.  This activity may be useless, because people believe what they want to believe, and no amount of truth will set them free of self-delusionment.

What else could explain how some dying people in hospitals, refuse to believe that they have Covid-19, right up to the time of death?

And oh, if you’re trying to stand up to a denier you could be called every name in the book, or worse – be assaulted.  Leading to the warning that who you follow and hang out with could potentially harm you, so be careful.

The people you surround yourself with are more influential than you realize, and once in a relationship of any kind it’s hard to get out.

Look no further than the Andy of Mayberry sitcom followers.  There are people watching these old shows on in an endless loop, and are determined to live in the show as though it’s real.    You can visit the made-up town of Mount Airy/Mayberry in North Carolina, if you need an up and close view of how it goes.

Other examples of fantasy lands include the conservative Hispanic talk show radio stations in Miami, and the QAnon followers hanging out on the Dallas Grassy Knoll, waiting for John F. Kennedy to show up.

Then contrast the deniers to the reality seekers:

For starters, the reality seekers fundamentally want to know, what’s wrong with living in the real world?

They understand the difference between reality and trying to create an outer world to match an inner world.  For example, they might limit their fantasies to home decorating, the bedroom, a party or a wedding theme.

They know that beautiful looking people might not be beautiful, or that even if a thousand people tell you something, it might still not be true.

Lately, they ask – what chance do  we have to teach our children to care about each other in the world of deniers?  The realists want to live and teach their children to help those who help themselves; to hang with those who believe in social responsibility, science, honesty and the rule of law.

Some realists even see life’s chess board and anticipate where things are going.  They try to stay ahead and plan their next moves and will not necessarily go in the same direction, depending on their logical assessment of the situation.

If a realist wakes up with an idea, they might be willing to try it. Other traits include:

When things are good, basking in the glow of the moment without having to wreck it; and when things go wrong having patience to hope for better days ahead without thinking that the sky is falling.

What realists crave most is for people to take responsibility and face the truth. They abhor media that starts or spreads  a rumor or  a lie.

They wish that those spreading misinformation could be awarded hours of community service in a related area, like if someone spread false information that Covid-19  is fake, they could be assigned to work in a hospital Covid-19 ward.

But since this isn’t likely to happen in order to change people’s minds, the only way to cope with the world we live in, is to  stay centered in volunteerism, charitable giving, family and work.

The takeaway from watching the clash of the deniers and the realists is that maybe it’s not so bad to visualize a better world while remaining rooted in reality. The human race is capable of doing both even though it doesn’t seem possible at the moment.

Watch the video from Fable Cottage, to answer the question between the deniers and the realists – Is Chicken Little real?

Related audio/video recording:

A delightful adaptation to the treasured fairytale:

The Fable Cottage, “Chicken Little by The Fable Cottage”

Other related article you may be interested in:

Helen’s Place LLC, July 30, 2022, “Why Trash Birds Are Some People’s Treasures

Your comments are greatly appreciated.  Send them to Helen’s Place LLC via email to info@helensplacenet.com.

By Robin Carpenter August 23, 2021

A safe zone exists within your hearts, and this is where the protection is, the security is right now.  I feel it strongly when I think of you going back under burkas, and want to say:

You won’t be hidden again – because we’ve seen your beautiful faces. And the free birds are flying around you to remind you that you will never be enslaved again.

And you will never be alone again. We watched you fight off the darkness of the Taliban after your men left the battlefield and COVID-19 ravaged the Earth.

But the birds are still flying around you, comforting you, calling to you that your cause is not lost and you must be brave, because there’s nothing more important than your staying alive. Nothing.

And the dark ages will never happen again.  We see you rising up in towns and cities, marching with Afghan flags, and know that you are a great people.  You will overcome the brutality of the Temporary Taliban.

The women of the world are marching with you.  And everyone who has ever been mistreated, discredited or abandoned is supporting  you.

And you will never disappear again. Although for a time we might see you absent from jobs, we know that you’ll be back, because your metamorphosis already happened when you became pathfinders from ancient traditions to the 21^st century.

You may be slowed for a moment, but your destiny is to become the greatest scholars, athletes, and scientists Afghanistan has ever known.

And you will never be left out again.  Images of birds are flying over a united nations  where you live in the comforting valley of your dreams, close to a “stan” border.  Here you are waiting, learning, preparing for the new day – tomorrow or a hundred years from now; for as long as it takes.

In this place you are free to leave for other parts of the world, but you choose to stay with your work to form the United Territories of Afghanistan.

And you will never leave your safe zone again – because you are strong enough to remember the place in your hearts where misery and oppression can’t get in.

From this place, I see you giving hope and courage to millions of girls.  And although you may be wearing burkas for a while, you are preparing to pack them up forever and send them off to old wardrobe museums, as relics of the past.

And even if the safe zone exists only in your hearts right now, I believe that one day you’ll experience being free.

Related audio/video interview recording:

An hour long seminar about where things stand with Afghanistan women:

YouTube, Los Angeles World Affairs Council & Town Hall, March 09, 2022 “Afghan Women: Hope and Optimism?”

Other related articles you may be interested in:

An untold story about the women who stood up and fought for their freedom:

Politico, April 8, 2022, “The Untold Story of the  Afghan Women who hunted the Taliban”

An in-depth article about the disaster in Afghanistan for women:

The Guardian, Lynsey Addario, August 16, 2021, “The Taliban’s Return is Catastrophic for Women”

An inspirational story about surviving against all odds:

Helen’s Place LLC, “The Story of Phiona Mutesis Great Escape”

Helen’s Place LLC is an information and educational materials company celebrating English Language Arts, Cognitive Science and the love of birds.

Your comments are greatly appreciated.  Send them to Helen’s Place LLC via email to info@helensplacenet.com. We’re always interested in learning more about you and the issues that are important to you.

By Robin Carpenter June 28, 2021

“Don’t put that bird feeder so close to the house!” the old man protested. No one wanted to take his $5.00 bet either. “Oh dad!” his daughter laughed. She was used to her dad throwing fits over small, unimportant things. She didn’t mind.

Since he was ignored, the old man just stared intently at the bird feeder and pondered where his next argument would come from. He could envision what was going to happen, and fussed that no one else in his family could see it. “This is what happens when you get old,” he mused.

Then he wondered what percentage of the time he was EVER listened to. The bird feeder was just another example of how no one cared about your opinion, and really – did he listen to anyone much either? He laughed at the thought that the bird feeder debate was evidence of the echo chamber we all live in – our own.

Soon he was distracted from his intellectual pondering when he was caught up in the excitement to welcome the perfect day for the bird show! High above birds twittered in the canopy of pine and gigantic oak trees along either side of the expansive green lawn that stretched out to the horizon with the city below. The day was breezy and sultry and the sun made the dewy lawn sparkle.

The challenge as the old man saw it, was to capture the bird action in your mind – but there was so much to watch that it was impossible to see it all! Still he began concentrating.

First the cardinals flew in from tree branches in every direction, followed by the blue birds.
Next a pair of blue jays flew in and stood guard over the feeder as the cardinals flew off.
The action continued non-stop, and the birdfeeder was declared a complete success by his family who spent the next two hours birdwatching, enthralled. Then it was time to move on to get other things done, and they forgot about their birdfeeder world for a while.

Later, in the middle of the night, there was a bit of noise out in the yard and the old man jumped up out of bed and looked out the picture window in the moonlight. Sure enough, he didn’t need night goggles to make out the shape in the yard. It was that rat with antlers helping himself to the bird food. “I knew it!” he exclaimed with satisfaction.

Patiently, the deer had been watching from the edge of the field all day, as people set-up the bird feeder in the yard and filled it with bird food. Then when the deer felt safe that people weren’t about, he moved in to munch on the yummy food. Before long, other deer joined him, and in the morning all of the bird food was gone along with the freshly potted geraniums, his wife had just planted the day before.

“All of her work down the drain!” the old man thought with righteous indignation.  His wife would fuss for sure.  He said “Ah ha  I knew it!  You never put a bird feeder that close to the house!”  He captured the evidence with his iPhone camera and then went back to bed.

Maybe no one took him up on the bet, but in his mind he won!   He conjured up putting a crisp $5.00 bill in an imaginary jar.  Yes, he hadn’t lost his prowess for predicting outcomes and had made his point – “I am still sharp,” he murmured to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

In the morning the old man woke-up ahead of his wife and daughter and got ready to boast and tease them.  He was chuckling and drinking coffee when each of them woke up and went to the kitchen to get coffee.  Then he ambushed them to repeat his account.

After breakfast, reluctantly his wife and daughter figured out moving the birdfeeder to the nearest tree away from the house.  The old man was satisfied that he’d been right the whole time and just smiled.

By Robin Carpenter September 12, 2021

When someone asks me, “How did this happen? How did you become a bird story writer? I tell them that as a writer sometimes you don’t choose a genre, it chooses you. This is true in my case and a mystery I accept.

Elaborating on how it happened; in the summer of 2020 on a typical day, I was outside and started watching a peculiar bird, and at that moment experienced the realization that there were  outdoor birdhouse worlds everywhere. I started writing down what I saw and eventually my book, “The Feather Birdhouse or Birds On the Move,” took shape.

It was published on July 14, 2021, and classified in the English Language Arts and Cognitive Science field – useful for ELA (fiction and non-fiction) and Cogn Sci. studies. There’s a lot of science in the book too , which makes it a hybrid and part non-fiction, introductory bird guide.

I have two other books started in The Feather Birdhouse  Series for children ages 9 to 12 and  readers young at heart. My audience may be surprised to learn where book three goes – a hint that it’s not in The Feather Birdhouse or the Great Garden, but somewhere far away! Although I’m writing for the young reader in mind, I’m hopeful that adults will appreciate the subtle detail and meaning in the story too, and enjoy reading it out loud to younger children.

Some of the eReaders available in Apple Books, Digital Editions and others, contain the enhanced audio sound clips at the end of each chapter of the real birds interacting.

Birds are often portrayed in literature and film as ominous or evil, or the opposite as silly and cartoonish. But in my mind, birds represent freedom and ingenuity, and are just trying to survive and adapt the best way they can like people do. This is why I say that “Birds on the Move = People on the Move.” I’ve learned through birdwatching that it’s not easy to be a bird any more than it is to be human, and we can learn a lot from watching birds.

The thing that astonishes me as a bird story writer is that people don’t see the outdoor birdhouse world they live in, except to notice a bird or two in passing. And yet even if a person walks a dog in the park every day and doesn’t notice the birds – they’re still there. I used to be in the group of people unaware of birds, but since the experience in 2020 I’m a changed person, which I consider a small miracle.

I feel certain that if people would stop for a moment and watch the birds for a while, they would experience a sense of connection and belonging to nature and stop feeling so alone. In fact, they would know that they’re NOT alone. This is why I’m positive that when we learn about birds we discover ourselves.

I appreciate every reader, and hope that my book(s) help entertain, comfort, and educate people about birds and self-discovery, and in so doing help strengthen their ability to make better choices in life.